Kids and Us Parents - Part One

To teach children well is to
bring out the BEST in them!

Linda Kavelin Popov author of The Family Virtues Guide, says that being a parent is the most complex and important activity on the planet. Parents are a child's first and most important educators, yet we receive little or no training in what to do or how to do it. I remember when my first child was born I thought my whole life had changed forever and it seemed a rather daunting journey I was about to embark on! As Linda says in her book, "children don't come with instruction manuals". 

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So how do we as parents bring out the best in our children?  Well it takes a willingness to become self aware by knowing our DISC parenting style, and a commitment to keep learning and growing as parents.  We are all born with a longing for mastery and meaning. Inherently children are learners, and research has shown that their brains begin learning, actually processing information even before birth. Both you and your child are on this journey of learning together and you can either make it joy-filled or arduous, the choice is yours. 

Over the next few weeks I will be introducing you to the four DISC Parenting Styles,  some tips to survive step-parenting and character virtues for developing people-literacy in yourself and in your children. Once you know how to create an environment at home that encourages learning and mastery in a self-aware and joy-filled way watch your relationships start to blossom with your children. You see it's not about getting it right all the time as a parent, it's about bringing out the best that is in all of us as human beings, and becoming authentic with our children.  It's about respecting differences of style and acknowledging your feelings as they arise.  

The late Dr. Edwin Louis Cole, stressed nine attributes that should be adopted by parents if they were going to raise emotionally healthy children. Steven Sisler author of The For PeopleTypes, has taken these attributes and given them definitions.

Here are the nine attributes and their definitions and I have also added what I feel are character virtues that all parents can practice and develop for each attribute (Source: Virtues Reflections Cards App): 

​GUIDE: Assisting children through potential difficulties in traveling through the formative years in an effort to ensure they reach their destination by practicing PATIENCE - Quiet hope and faith that things will turn out right. We trust the process of life and have a peaceful heart.  ​

GUARD: Keeping children safe from harm or danger; carefully watching over them by practicing PERCEPTIVENESS - Clarity of insight. It is being observant of what is beneath the surface and looking for the deeper meaning.   ​

​GOVERN: Exercising a directing or restraining influence over children in order to provide better outcomes through times of peer pressure or difficult decision-making by practicing ASSERTIVENESS - Speaking one's truth with peaceful confidence.    

DIRECT: To manage and supervise, or to assist in directing the course of children by practicing KINDNESS - having genuine care for the welfare of others that springs from compassion. We listen for the needs beneath the words.  

PROTECT: To defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, or insult by practicing COURAGE - doing what must be done even when it is difficult or risky. Allows us to face adversity with confidence.  

CORRECT: To scold, rebuke, or teach in order to improve the effects of ones behavior on self and others by practicing EMPATHY - having the ability to put ourselves in another's place and to understand their experience.  

CHERISH: To hold and treat as dear or to care for tenderly or cling to fondly by practicing LOVE - cherishing others, treating them with tenderness. Love thrives on acceptance and appreciation.  

NOURISH: To strengthen, build up or promote by practicing ENDURANCE - not giving up or feeling hopeless about our child, and practicing perseverance and patience.  

ADMONISH: To caution, advise or counsel against poor decision making by practicing and demonstrating RESPONSIBILITY - the willingness to be accountable for our choices.      

Steven goes on to say that, likely children who have received a good healthy dose of all nine attributes during formative years will have a better chance at emotional health and sustenance, compared to those who lack at least three of the nine attributes. 

Parents who see their role as teachers and guides while considering their children as learners are more apt to produce socially healthy citizens. So be willing to practice and demonstrate the above virtues by using the language and behaviors for each one, so that your children can also develop these for themselves.