Have something to say and know one is listening!

Some conversations tend to be one sided. That is some styles like to do all the talking, and some styles just don't like talking at all! So how do we overcome this when managing a group of people? 


Here is the answer...


It is called a WHAT I FEEL LIKE SAYING process or a WIFLS.

This process is great to use when starting and finishing  a meeting, or for using when there is conflict in a team that must be cleared or when a team needs to align on something. The process has certain steps and each step uses specific words or statements the person speaking must use. It is a positive ritual that any group can gain value from.


Clearing the mind of clutter


Each time a group meets, go through this ritual to help everyone clear what is on their mind, so they can be more present and engaged with the group, and to feel heard by other people.    Go over the rules in advance when using the process for the first time.  It may take a few times for people to learn to trust the process. 


Rules of the WIFLS process 



NO ONE ELSE CAN SPEAK or RESPOND when the Person is sharing. Then it will go quickly and the leader will be able to see if anything needs to be handled outside of the group meeting.



Person #1 starts and says... 


“What I feel like saying is...."____ "    They share for a minute or two whatever is on their mind. Whether it is good, bad, or indifferent.  It can be anything from... “I burnt the toast”, or “I got cut off on the freeway…” or  “My kids are so great – today I got…”  or “I’m ready to have a melt down I feel so ……”  


And NO ONE SAYS A WORD TO THEM.  Everyone else just LISTENS. 


Then the person speaking finishes up by saying, "And that's what I feel like saying."  

Group says... "Thank you (name)"  

The person that was sharing turns to the person on their left and says... "And what do you feel like saying, (name)?"

Person #2 says...


 "What I feel like saying is...... _______"

                  "And that's what I feel like saying."

etc., around the group.

WHY THE WIFLS PROCESS IS SO VALUABLE TO DO AT THE BEGINNING OF EVERY TEAM MEETING:


Even though to some it will feel like it takes too much time, this process is a very good investment because it actually gets a team of people into alignment and understanding what’s going on with each other so they:

• Don’t assume that the person is upset with THEM or that they should take things personally.

• Can work together much more harmoniously and productively when people have compassion for what is going on with another person. 

• People feel better about themselves when they are able to “speak” what is bothering or exciting them.  Once stated, the emotion can leave. 

• This process creates a "SAFE" space for communicating what some people, otherwise, would never have a chance to share.  It prevents GOSSIP - which is "the kiss of death" to team alignment and happiness at work. 

• It is a chance for people to express what they REALLY feel about either a situation at work or someone's behavior or interaction on the team without fear of repercussions or jeopardy.  It is important that the team leader make sure no one makes anyone "Wrong" for what they say.  Teach everyone that ALL FEELINGS ARE OK.  All BEHAVIOR IS NOT OK.  This is a process to get out feelings that often get carried around, buried, and then can come out in us in some other unacceptable way. 

• When we do not address feelings, they build up and become complete "stories" in our minds about what we think the other person is feeling or why they are not doing something.

Everyone does NOT have to speak - can just say "PASS" - (However, know that if you do that over and over again, the group may not feel emotionally connected.) 

After everyone has shared, Leader can judge if the energy is still high and ask if the group wants to go around another time.   Or can ask if anyone still has a “burning share.”

If someone has shared something disturbing or upsetting to them or someone else in the group, the leader can seek them out later and ask if they may speak with them about the issue.  But if the person says, NO, then they should honor the space agreed to not to discuss anything more about it. 

This process is a version of “clearing” processes and is taught in Money & You®.

For questions or more explanation about how to apply and use this process, CONTACT Sandra Davis     

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