Parenting Burnout
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Let me ask you some questions. Are you feeling tired? Have you lost the pleasure in parenting? Are you emotionally distancing yourself from your children? Are you feeling tired, and only do what you have to do with your children? If you have answered yes to one or more of the questions you may have parenting burnout.

Parenting burnout can make you feel detached from your children and unsure of your parenting abilities. Whether you are a father, mother or a single parent it can occur when you have been exposed to too much stress. Depending on what personality style you have will depend on how you manage this stress.

In the DISC Behavioral Model there are four types of personalities and each of these have different needs, emotions and fears. DISC is an acronym for Dominance, Interactive, Steadiness and Compliance, and these are the four styles.   D's (Dominant) and I's (Interactive) tend to be extroverted whereas S's (Steady) and C's (Compliant) tend to be introverted. 

Different Styles

With Introverts and Extroverts there’s a tension because both have a different pace. Dominant and Interactive Styles are outgoing and have a FAST Pace. Whereas Steady and Compliant Styles have a SLOWER Pace.

When one parent is a D Style and has a need to win, the other one may sense they have been short changed. And the outcome is resentment. Even though the S Style parent holds on to resentment, they do get along with everybody when it comes to tasks.  They are the universal antidote for disharmony in the family. They are calm and and can stabilise conflict situations. But they really do need to work on forgiving the other person, as they can be a bit of a grudge holder at times.

When it comes to personality style combinations, theses three combinations are the least compatible naturally:

• D’s and I’s even though they have the same FAST PACE their life focus is different. The D Style likes to focus on tasks whereas the I Style likes to focus on people. So can you see where the tension might be?
• I’s and C’s have a different PACE and at the same time their life focus is also different. I’s like to focus on PEOPLE and the C’s like to focus on the details of the task. With this combination tension can occur often because both the PACE and the LIFE FOCUS is very different. Also the C parent will want to make sure their kids are following the rules they have made, and they often don’t trust their children to make good choices. Whereas the I Style parent easily trusts and really doesn’t care that much for rules and procedures.
• The last combination are the D and the C Styles. Each like to focus on TASKS however the PACE is very different. The D Style’s need is to be in control and will often say to themselves, “I wish they would just give me the facts, gosh why do they need to be so detailed!”

The most difficult two styles that parent together are the D’s and C’s. For it to work both must be willing to yield their personal control needs, with D’s deciding to give some space and the C’s learning to be much more direct and open about their concerns.

So, what can we do as parents when we have these combinations of Styles. It’s really about practicing tolerance by accepting these differences and not being so judgemental.

Also practice patience especially if you are a D Style. Forgiving others also allows you to let go of resentments, and will free you from the needless pain of reliving a hurt over and over. Practice self-forgiveness so that you can move forward, ready to do things differently, with compassion for yourself and have faith that you can change.

Under stress the D Style parent will dictate and become augmentative. They become irritated with indecision and inefficiency. So the I Style can definitely irritate them with their lack of follow through and disorganisation.

The I Style parent will become sarcastic and superficial and is irritated when they have to deal with routines and the complexity of bringing up a family and life in general.

Under stress the S Style will become submissive and indecisive and is irritated by others that are insensitive. If anything unexpected should happen this will also irritate them. Whereas the C Style parent will become withdrawn and headstrong when stressed and when others make mistakes or are irrational it will irritate them.

Are you starting to see where the burnout might occur when each of the Styles is irritated and is also constantly trying to get their behavioural needs met? The C Style parent is a perfectionist and they will constantly be trying to find the facts in everything they do and their personal limitation is that they are too critical. Even with themselves they are their worst critics. They can also be seen as impersonal.

So, what can you do if you are feeling burnt out?

As a parent it’s not that easy to quit your job either is it! Well the first thing is to realise that you are burnt out or on the way to being out. And then ask for support. Each of the styles might find it hard to do this.

The D’s like to be in control and will not want someone else telling them what to do. The I’s personal fear is rejection and social disapproval so they might not ask for help as the rest of their extended family might disapprove of them. The S’s  and the C’s both hide their emotions and will need time to process it all.

Tips for eliminating  parenting burnout

It’s about having the courage to reach out and ask for the support you need, because at the end of the day of you don’t the family dynamics will suffer. That includes you as well!

Have compassion for yourself and take time out to recharge your batteries especially if you are an introvert. And don’t feel guilty for doing so. S Style parents you don’t have to continually be steady the pace 110% of the time! Let your kids serve you sometimes!

Be gentle on yourself and find someone that will listen to you without judging you so that you can as I say “empty your cup”. And remember for things to change first you must change!

Bickering between siblings can be very draining to some kids, not to mention us as parents as well. Does your child get upset easily and lock themselves in their bedroom a lot? Does one of your kids just cruise along in life with high energy levels, is outgoing and the life of the party, and the other one is not? 

There are introverts and extroverts in the world. Each one has a different temperament, that comes with a whole set of behaviours. Introverts are energised by spending time on their own, while extroverts are energised by spending time in the company of others. In the DISC Behavioural Model high D and I Styles tend to be seen as Extroverts, whereas the high S and C Styles are seen as Introverts. 

If your child is an Introvert they are energised by spending time on their own. So don't be alarmed,  thinking they are isolating themselves from the rest of the family if they like to spend time in their bedroom. Sometimes when coming home from school, where they have been spending their day socializing and interacting with others, they need to take time out to recharge their batteries. Remember that home is a safe space where they can chill out. 

Extroverts on the other hand, are energised by spending time in the company of other and tend to like social events and recharging their batteries by interacting with people and socialising. A high I Style teen will definitely like heading to the mall after school to hangout with their friends! 

They Connect Differently

The child that is a high C Style Introvert likes one-on-one, deep conversations, where they can analyse and think about all the details. The child that is a high S Style Introvert tends to need more time to mentally process new situations before they interact with others and also need time to think about how they are feeling. They like to form deep relationships and really love getting to know someone, their hobbies, interests, etc.  Both Styles are happy to have only a handful of friends.

Whereas the high D and I Style Extroverts seem to like group conversations. The high I Style  Extrovert likes being friends with many people but they don't feel the need to form deep relationships  as the Introverts do. 

Are you starting to see your children in any of these statements? I just want to say that there is no good or bad temperament to have.  Some people think that Introverted children are shy. It's not that they're shy, it's just that they are thinkers. The high S Style Introvert will be deep in thought or "thoughtful". There's a big difference to being shy vs a deep thinker.   

So, remember that all behaviour is communication, communicating the emotions and needs relating to the four style's temperaments. In the world there are introverts and extroverts and it's not about Introverts being anti social. At the end of the day it's all about where your child get's their energy. It is our job as parents to help our kids be who they are in the world, whether they are Introverted or Extroverted.  

Please share this post if you have gained some value in reading it. Also if you would like to identify what the DISC Style of your children are, click here to purchase our Mini Me Survey. It's only $5 and can be printed out and used for each one of your children.   

Excuse Me Your Personality is Showing - DISC Mini-Me Survey

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When you are talking with someone, make a complimentary comment about the event, what the person is wearing, or about something positive in the current economy or cultural environment. And once you can identify and tune in to another person’s style, it is much easier to relate because you can focus immediately on talking about what’s important to them! 

This will help you determine if there is something a future meeting could possibly lead to, or if you sense you could help one another in some specific way as a professional. Do you want to know now what to look for to get the best “guess” of the person’s style? Here it is! 

First Impressions Count

Since it’s the first 30 seconds that count when we meet people for the first time, find ways to build relationships by making your first impression a positive one. It certainly takes a lot more energy to overcome a negative first impression than it does to make a good one in the first place.

So, try making up an image that helps you to remember a person's first name, repeat it, look at their card to remember it, and then give that person your undivided attention. Ask questions, listen to their answers and show genuine interest in them! Everyone loves a listener!

What other people have to go on when they first meet you is:

• Your face − Is it open, happy, and smiling or is the space between your eyebrows knitted in a frown?
• Your overall energy − Does a positive up-beat energy flow from you? Or do you drain others’ energy by making them work too hard to get a response from you?
• Your image − Is it a professional, casual or a sloppy image? Are your clothes pressed or wrinkled? And what will they notice about your shoes?

​If you know you have things to work on, make a list on the blank pages at the end of this book so you don’t forget to work on them! And the good news? What makes the most lasting and positive first impression is YOU - bringing a smile and a high level of self-confidence about your own style and the fact that you are picking up clues about the other person during these first initial interactions!

Tune into what the other person is telegraphing through their face, voice, posture, gestures, words, and overall interactions with you. If you can just mirror their body language and compare it to what you learn later about how to do that in this book, it will also give you clues about their primary focus because of what style they are.

The tip here is that not only when you “mirror” their personal body language, but their behavioral style that they instantly feel more comfortable around you. So, if you can adapt yourself into becoming more like their twin, they will automatically trust that you’ll “Do unto them the way they like being done unto” (because you know them SO WELL!)

Our mentor, Dr. Tony Alessandra, calls this tip using the “Platinum Rule” – the one that’s the opposite of the Golden Rule which is “Do unto others as YOU would want them to do unto YOU.” Can you see the difference?

You might be thinking, “How do I do that?” Great question. And the answer first starts with, “Do you know yourself and how others see you?” If not, as you master the art of “people-reading” you become more people-literate, meaning you will become familiar with what makes up the concept of personality styles and you just might be surprised to realize that you are indeed unique! You will also realize that each style-type is a result of dozens of different needs, emotions, and fears, plus each has preferred ways of doing things.

But once you know yourself, you will be able to stand in confidence, with who you are and be ready to DISCover who the other person is! You will know what motivates you, what your preferred types of life situations are and what you feel most comfortable doing?

You’ll DISCover things about yourself you knew but didn’t realize might be getting in the way of your relationships. From taking a DISC assessment, you will quickly see that what everyone calls your weaker traits are only “weak” because they are actually the opposite speed and focus of your strengths!

Therefore, seeing your weaker traits is GOOD NEWS, and will help you avoid applying for the wrong job or getting into the wrong relationship or business deal! Not that you cannot adapt and adjust your style... you can... for a short period.

But don’t plan on having to maintain that opposite style for a long, long time! It would drive you bananas if someone required you to be different from who you truly are for more than a couple of minutes - like during networking events – yet people choose the wrong jobs just to get the pay check, and even worse, the wrong relationships!

Don’t worry about the word “weaker” either, because you can develop and adjust any part of your style when you need to, and your primary style shows up the moment you walk into a room! 

You might want to purchase our E-Book Mastering the Art of Networking, as it has some great tips on how to read people for building rapport and how to adapt your style when networking. We also highly recommend that you purchase a DISC Personal Style assessment for identifying the strengths and communication preferences of your style.  GOOD LUCK! We wish you an abundance of success at all your networking events.