We all have an Ego or put another way, the Ego has us! You know that voice in your head that is always telling you things.
Things like "if you are not right about this one you are going to look stupid" Or "the boss will think I'm great if I make him look wrong about that"!
Here are six games that the Ego plays to survive in the world, or should I say survive in YOUR world!
1. Dominating others
Domination of others is a natural game for the Ego to Survive. We normally dominate others by saying we are parents, teachers, spouses, leaders, employers, officers, head of the family, etc. Our position as parent, a teacher or a leader gives us the excuse to dominate others frequently. Most often in the pretext of concern for the organization we are working for, or as concern for the other person, our mind subtly allows us to dominate others. In many of our relationships, more often that not, we are unaware of this subtle interference of this Ego.
2. Refusing to be dominated
We need to understand that it is the Ego that refuses to be dominated by others. This is another subtle and dangerous game that the Ego plays. In the absence of Ego, we would happily surrender to domination by others. But most often we do not like to be dominated in any way. Because we are afraid of what might happen – the mind says “I am feeling unsafe here I need to leave”, or “I must fight to survive being dominated”. It is known as flight or fight.
Put another way, in order not to feel dominated we dominate or we withdraw from the other person that is trying to dominate us. This game is nothing but the Ego playing inside us.
3. I am Right
Our Ego always wants to prove that 'we are right'. Again and again, we argue or try to prove a point or to justify our thinking to be right. We have many explanations in order to prove our “rightness”. Start to become aware of this Ego Game when we try to prove that we are right.
Why should we ever prove we are right? If we are really right, there is no need at all to prove it. Nature or the Universe will prove it for us in some way and at some time, once we become aware of this game of Ego playing out inside us.
4. You are Wrong
This is the other side of the above coin. Just as we like to prove we are right, we also like to prove that the other person is wrong. This is nothing but the Ego playing its game inside us.
Ultimately, the Ego in order to survive inside us will simply lead us into thinking that it is playing none of the above games. Ego will always justify itself. The mind will lead us to think that we are not at all bound by Ego, or that we are absolutely right in our egoistical approach to life - when we are in relationships, when we are parenting our children or when we are managing people at work.
Very often we cover up our Ego by commenting about others or finding fault with others. Become aware that it is the Ego and the hurt we have felt in the past, that is finding fault with others. Here we are not talking about practical and functional faults. We are talking about characteristic judgments and blaming or labeling others.
Is EGO Good or Bad? Is it possible to be free of the EGO and still function in the world?
Many of you might be sitting with questions such as, without Ego is it possible to survive in this modern world? Or if we are not egoistic how can we still be successful or be a part of this competitive world that we live in? Well the good news is yes you can! In fact if you were free of the ego, you would be extremely successful.
Let me explain, as there are two distinctions here to understand. We have to distinguish between The Self and The Ego. The Self has an ambition - the will to fight it out or the will to achieve.
The Ego on the other hand makes you positional.
When you become positional, you do not understand what the other person is talking about. Or even have the willingness to listen to what they have to say. There is no listening. Hence, there is no learning. Therefore you have every chance of losing. You have every chance of losing a customer or client. You have every chance of losing a relationship. You have every chance of losing a good insight. You loose the opportunity of people contributing to your life in some way. Here, we are not talking of the Self. The Self must be there if you want to achieve success in the world. We are not talking about that.
We are talking of the Ego and its games, which is harmful in the process of achieving success. So, you must learn to distinguish between the two.
What does taking a position look like? Let me give you an example. "You make a choice and take a stand that a certain kind of medicine is good for you. Then somebody comes and convinces you that this may not be the right medicine, they say, “why don't you explore homeopathy instead?” You say ok, I will explore that. This is being non-positional. That is you had a certain point of view, but now you are prepared to change it to another one.
But then along comes your Ego and interferes, saying “no, no, I can not be wrong, if I agree to what she says I will feel inferior, I will be wrong, and she will feel superior, therefore, no, no, my choice is the only right one”. Then ego plus position becomes positional. There is no movement in that choice. Such people will never learn in life.
So, a person must become flexible and be able to change their position to a different point of view.
Ego plays six games; I am right you are wrong, wishes to dominate, and refuses to be dominated. And if these games add to your position and you become positional you are going to enter into some form of conflict – with your spouse, your child a co-worker or a friend. This conflict happens when you become positional.
Take a father and a son. The son must realise that his father belongs to another generation. And the father must realise his son belongs to another generation and that his perceptions are different, and he must be willing to accommodate that. If the son stands to his position because of his Ego, he will think 'father is dominating me' and the father will think 'he is refusing to be dominated'. Then there is a conflict.
Once you become aware of these games, automatically the mind will become non-positional.
Carol and Sandra are passionate about supporting others to be the best they can be through sharing their stories and experiences they have gained along the way...